To my kids, Donald and Ruby

 My dear babies!  Last week on our call, my sweet boy said he's not really afraid of me.  It was such a gift to hear that.  I'm trying to let you guys know you don't have to hate me.  It's ok for us to have some time apart and you can still make some space in your heart for me.  I'm not a threat! I sent your package last week.  It will arrive today.  I  hope you guys like the things I sent you.  I collected them for a few months and tried to send a mix of things you need and things you'll like just for fun.  I sent some pajama bottoms for both of you because being cozy at home when it's cold out is the best!  I sent some shoes for both of you and some undies for Ruby.  I also sent the ingredients for honey brown bear because you're probably missing that in your life! It's such a classic snack.  I sent Ruby some luxury face masks from work and for my baby boy, a star gazing book and star finder wheel.  I hope we c...

 Hello my beautiful babies.  Everyday I think about you, all throughout the day.  You are always close to my heart.  This week I am preparing a care package for you.  I have been thinking about what to send you, things you might need or find entertaining.  I just want you to know I am thinking about you and I care about you so much.  I feel concern for your wellbeing and development in my absence.  When I talked with your teachers in September for your parent teacher conferences, I learned that Donald is having some behavioral issues at school.  Of course this is worrisome.  I also learned that you need better shoes to participate in PE, Donald.  I'm going to get you some new shoes to put in the care package.  Tomorrow on our call I will double check what size you're wearing now.  I think probably a 7 but I want to make sure.  Your teacher wondered if there are financial troubles preventing you from having the right f...

 My sweet babies, I am gathering my thoughts for our call tomorrow evening.  Every Tuesday at 7:00 p.m. I call you guys.  The calls are pretty dry.  You guys say "Hi and that's all we're saying." And then I talk to you for exactly 3 minutes at which time Ruby says we're hanging up now.  And I say "Bye I love you!" as fast as I can so you'll hear me before you hang up.  It's so strange to me that this is even happening. It's been hard to adjust to this.  I don't think I ever will.  We are meant to be together because I am your mom and you need me and I love you.  But I do accept that at this particular time, we are not together.  It's not my choice but I accept that this is how it is right now.  This week I decided that I need to figure out a better way to process my feelings about this separation.  I have been waking up heavy hearted every day for months about this situation but it's not helping anyone.  I have to let go o...

 My sweet babies, I am making this blog for you as a record and a reminder of how much I love you. Since we’ve been separated 6 months now, my heart is very broken. I long to hold you and tuck you in at night and kiss your foreheads and make your breakfast in the morning.  I’m so sad that your dad won’t let me see you. This is parental alienation. I’m doing all the things the court says I need to do to get you back. Your dad is keeping you from me to hurt me. He has convinced you that I’m not safe for you but that’s not true. Someday it will be clear. I will never stop fighting for you. I pray God will soften your hearts to me and give you a fierce curiosity to know me. My heart is so broken. I need you guys and you need me too.